Baldness Be My Friend
by CenobiteOfSteel83
Summary: Post 'Insurrection'. Not long following the Enterprise's departure from the Bak-U planet, Captain Picard is suddenly blessed with something he thought he'd never have again. But how will his crew react to his new look? One Shot.


_Author Introduction__: All right, now this isn't a new story. I wrote and posted this many years ago, but took it down last year. I felt I had to work on it again, and brush it up a little. Correct a few mistakes. Otherwise, there's nothing much different to how it was when it was first posted. :) I hope you enjoy it. Everyone here is in character, I hope. It's set after_**_'Star Trek: Insurrection'_**_. And it's got nice, gentle humour which I hope you'll find funny. :) The title here is a funny little jibe to the Shakespeare quote, _**_Boldness be my friend._**_ ) Seemed appropriate. So, please read and leave feedback. Let me know how I did. Enjoy! I own nothing. Rated T to be safe._

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**Baldness Be My Friend**

Commander William Riker paced up and down the bridge of the Enterprise E ceaselessly, and rather worriedly. His commanding officer, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, was over an hour late in coming to the bridge.

It had been over a day since the ship had left the Bak-U home world, and some of the crew was still suffering from the strange effects from the planet's rings; a metaphasic radiation, a phenomenon which brings out youthful and rebellious instincts, as well as regenerating genetic structures. Riker had expected a few problems but not from the captain.

His continuous pacing had begun to tell on Commander Worf's nerves. "Must you pace up and down so much - _sir_ \- ?" the Klingon growled, evidently annoyed, but keeping his cool.

Riker turned to look Worf in the eye. "Still experiencing mood swings and unusual aggressive tendencies, Mr Worf?" the First officer asked, while the crew members present turned to look at them.

"Yes, sir." Worf answered briskly.

Riker hastily turned his back on Worf and lowered himself down into the captain's chair. "Well, do something about it then. Hit yourself with a pain stick, I don't care. Just-" Riker suddenly felt a hand touch his arm, halting the current flow of hostile words.

Counsellor Deanna Troi had obviously sensed a great deal of mounting hostility between Worf and Riker, so now she had to step in and prevent a full scale fight.

"Will, Worf, please, the last thing I - or the captain for that matter - want is for the two of you to fall out. Calm down." Deanna said in her soothing, patient tone.

Riker smiled sheepishly toward the dark haired woman who was sat in the chair beside him. "You're right, Deanna. As always." he said before turning to look at the Klingon security officer. "My apologies, Mr Worf. I didn't mean to blow up at you."

Worf nodded his head gently, smiling slightly. "Apology accepted, sir. And I must return the apology for my behaviour toward you; I was out of order. The sooner these _'effects'_ wear off the better." he grumbled.

"I agree Mr Worf. But right now I'm more concerned about Captain Picard. He's a lttle late." As Riker finished his sentence, he reached his hand up to scratch his cheek. A few small, spiky bristles from where he had shaved his beard off had already begun to sprout. His face was no longer, has he put it a few days before as a friendly jibe to his friend Data; '_smooth as an android's bottom'._

While Riker continued to scratch his face, Deanna smiled softly. "Will, I'm sure the captain is fine. I've sensed nothing out of the ordinary from him. Besides, we should give him time to rest; he's just saved an entire population from forceful insurrection! He's bound to be a little exausted!" Deanna said with a chuckle.

But the first officer was not satisfied, and worry still consumed him. "You may be right, Deanna, but I can't rest until I know he's fine So let's be sure." Riker slapped his comm badge. "Riker to Captain Pic-"

He was cut off by the turbo lift door hissing open, where Doctor Beverley Crusher stepped out. Everyone on the bridge turned to look at the chief medical officer, who seemed a little flustered but amused nonetheless.

After acknowledging the bridge crew, Beverley turned to look inside the turbo lift. "Come on out. You look fine, Jean-Luc." she soothed, while Riker shot her a confused look.

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?" he asked the doctor.

As Beverley signalled for Riker to back down with one swift raise of her hand, Jean-Luc Picard stepped off the turbo lift and onto the bridge, his movements slow and reluctant. His crew had immediately noticed a difference in the Captain, who looked to each of his officers in turn.

Riker's left eyebrow was raised with a slight smile threatening to spread his lips, Deanna bit down hard on her lip to stop herself from laughing, Worf's mouth dropped wide open, Data's head had cocked to one side; a mixture of confusion and curiosity in his facial expressions - then he took out his tricorder, Geordi La Forge had just stepped off the other turbo lift from engineering and at once stopped dead in his tracks when he laid his new regenerated eyes on the new look captain. "Whoa!" he simply murmured.

Picard did not know what to say to his flabbergasted crew, so Riker decided to step up and get answers. "Sir, you...have, erm...hair." he whispered gently in disbelief.

Picard lifted his hand up slowly, then ran his fingers through the thick, silky brown hair that was now sat atop of his once bald head, and smiled sheepishly. "Yes Number One. I have...hair." he replied simply, looking to each of his crew's dumbstruck looks.

Picard so desperately wanted for the ground to swallow him up; he'd never been so embarrassed in his whole life! Why oh why did he let Beverley Crusher talk him into leaving his quarters to go to the bridge? If he'd had his own way, he would have stayed put until his new hair fell out, which is what he believed would happen eventually; this was only a temporary effect surely?

The deathly silence on the bridge was killing Picard, but soon enough his android science officer, Commander Data, spoke up. He wondered when the ever curious android would finally have something to say about this unusual phenomenon.

"I believe I understand," Data said, cocking his head to one side again as he examined his tricorder readings. "The metaphasic radiation from the planet's rings at the Bak-U home world must have regenerated the hair follicles on your head, just like the cells around Commander La Forge's optic nerves. Why it grew so fast over night, I do not know. It is also probably a delayed reaction, why it never grew while we were still on the planet."

The red faced captain glared at the artificial life-form, then rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Yes, yes, I am aware of how my hair grew back, Mr Data. That is not the issue. What I want to know is will this be permanent, or will it just be temporary?"

Data returned to working his tricorder. After a while, Data shook his head and turned his gold eyed gaze up to Picard. "It is hard to tell, sir. My theory is that this is a temporary outcome. I would surmise that if this was to wear off, then it should take a couple of days for your hair to fall out."

Jean-Luc Picard looked to the floor sadly, then nodded his head. He had a painful flashback to when he was younger - the first time his hair fell out. He didn't particularly enjoy the experience, and now he'd have to go through it all again.

"Number One?" he suddenly said, looking at his second in command.

"Yes sir?" Riker replied, biting down really hard on his tongue to stop himself from laughing and trying his best not to look at Deanna because if he did he would have lost his composure.

"You have command of the Enterprise until further notice. I shall be in my quarters if you need me. I've lost my hair before and it shall not be fun a second time around. You have your orders, Commander."

Picard whirled on his heel sharply and entered the turbo lift once again, with a disappointed Beverley Crusher following him inside. "But Jean-Luc..." she began before the turbo lift doors hissed shut, blocking out the rest of what she was saying.

For a couple of seconds after the captain left, everything was silent. But after a while, the officers on the bridge burst out laughing suddenly, with the exception of Worf and Data.

"I fail to see what is so amusing about this situation." Data said rather innocently.

Geordi La Forge got a grip of himself long enough to respond to his android friend. "Data, activate your emotion chip - then think about it, buddy."

While Geordi returned to laughing, Data violently cocked his head to one side and a clicking sound was heard. Everyone watched Data intensely think for a moment. Looking up to face his amused shipmates, a smile curled upwards on his pale lips, then without warning the android suddenly bent double in his chair at ops and bellowed a hearty laugh.

"Now do you see?" Geordi asked, laughing along with Data.

"Yes...I...do...I...believe I understand now. Quite amusing." Data replied in between violent chuckles. "Though it is most unfortunate the captain has to go through the pain of losing his hair again." Data added, making the laughter cease for a moment, but it wouldn't last long.

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Commander Data was right. Captain Picard's new found hair growth didn't last long; it was temporary. For the next couple of days, Picard painfully watched as little tufts of hair came away in his hands, and when he woke up every morning to see them on the pillow.

Then exactly three days later, Picard made his way over to the mirror to look at his reflection. His head was once again, as it had always been, bare and completely bald.

Picard lifted his hand up tentatively to touch his head; it was smooth and shiny, glistening in the light. Just as it had been previously. The Captain was certainly not amused. Though, he thought this was for the best. Baldness, after all, was his long time friend.

_**The End...**_

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_Well, what do you think? Did you like? I hope so. I watched the film closely to get the tone just right. :) I decided to leave it as it was previously written. I add a whole lot more flesh to my writing now, and sometimes it can be tiresome. LOL As for Picard's hair, well it was a little theory my brother and I shared after we watched the movie for the first time. If Geordi's eyes could regenerate, surely Picard's hair follicles could be stimulated as well? It was a jokey little remark shared between us, to be honest, but when you think about it, it does make sense. I did want this to turn out to be a little prank from Q after all that, but I decided not to follow that idea. But hey, maybe another time. Q's one of my favourite recurring characters, and I love his antics. So, perhaps my next TNG story will involve him in some way. ;) We'll see. LOL Anyways, hope you liked. Please review. Let me know what you think. Thanks for taking the time to read._


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